As a child, I never thought deeply about special gifts that help people to help others. I knew that I liked helping people and that my career would be in nursing. In the late 60's women were still very much steered into traditional roles. I had a wonderful role model in my Mother and Grandmother who were so community oriented and seemed to mother everyone. In particular I remember being sick and rarely having traditional medicines. Almost everything we were given was prepared in the kitchen of my Grandmother's home. So healing naturally, is a part of my life.

I started my nursing career in England for many reasons. Travel was a key component, but the client focussed, practical and natural way of doing things was still very evident in many nursing practices. It was at this time that I first heard of the Bach remedies. I did not act on this knowledge but the memory stayed with me.

Getting married and having children seemed to occupy much of my time after graduation. The idea of healing as opposed to nursing was lost in the day to day norms of living. As my children grew, I continued to use natural products when possible, but the sense of exploring a more natural healing modality came back very strongly. I sought many opportunities to study and try several models for working with people, helping them to get to the heart of their sadness, then helping them to heal emotionally. It was sometime before I realized that to be really effective, I first needed to heal myself.

My own unresolved emotional crises started to overwhelm me when my Grandmother passed away then culminated when my mother died. I could see and understand my sorrow, in every way, during the year following her death. Yet, I could not heal. For that year, I lived in a dream world where nothing made sense. Many methods that I had previously used to uncover hidden sorrows, for example Tarot, and Astrology, often mentioned the Bach Flower Remedies. Eventually, I used my astrology text to help me find answers and rediscovered the potential of the Bach Flower Remedies.

I chose Clematis which according to Peter Damian (An Astrological Study of the Bach Flower Remedies-CW Daniel Co. Ltd. England) represented my moon sign, Cancer. Cancer and the Moon both correspond to The Mother in the traditional meaning of the sign Cancer in Astrology. Nothing about preparation or application was clear to me except, that the remedies worked on an emotional level and I should put some drops under my tongue every day. I did this for the month of July-August 1992. I don't know when I felt the change, but one day I woke up and felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. It was gradual, but the realization was sudden. It turned out to be the most rewarding experience. Within two weeks, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I credit the remedy with helping me to focus and pay attention to what was happening within me. Had I remained in that dream world I may have continued to ignore the sensations I was feeling in my breast. As it was, the cancer was caught in time.

It wasn't long before I started recommending the remedies to anyone who asked about emotional support. My only concern was that I didn't know enough about them. Finding literature beyond the texts that I already had, was difficult. Four years passed before I was able to complete the training course and get a real sense of the much larger picture.

I realized that after my surgery, having breast cancer put me in a different category. My issues and the issues of many of my clients were no longer 'just' about emotional healing. It was about what emotional illness does to the body as well. There were sometimes real morbidity issues due to years of suffering unresolved anger, hurt disappointment and loss.

During my convalescence, a pathologist spoke to me about the origins of cancer and discussed a two-step phase of development. Despite her medical knowledge, she mentioned emotional issues as a component, beyond the physical growth of tumour cells. Her comments were food for thought. I searched for more answers in the ever widening field of information. Many were found in other healing arts that put the remedies in perspective. In particular, Therapeutic Touch, as developed by Dr. Delores Krieger and The Clairvoyant, Dora Van Gelder Kuntz was helpful.

Therapeutic Touch, addressed the etheric body, defining its innermost layer and ways in which a simple non touch scanning of the body can detect blockages or congestion. It was the first and most profound introduction to vibrational healing, or so I thought. Here was information about a method of natural healing that seemed to haunt me since childhood. The study of the bodies surrounding the human physical body explained how illness manifests from mental and emotional stress.

Most illness that starts in the outer layers, is treatable, long before it reaches the physical body and becomes embedded as disease. The Chakras and meridians were shown to be entry points and pathways for the energy (Chi) that feeds the physical body. As I learned to scan and interpret the aura, I gave a lot of thought to the miracle of healing. We were taught not to diagnose but to seek information about the client from the aura, share the information then gently smooth it. There was a special kind of vibrational sensitivity that was necessary.

After learning about the auras and the Chakras, I was able to combine my love of Astrology with therapeutic touch to help people to define their mental and emotional needs. The goal was to clear those pathways and allow the physical body to heal. Medical Astrology in particular was of great help. There was however one issue that remained unresolved. There needed to be a way to help clients to heal. Defining the problems, did not ensure healing would take place.

By law, Physicians are still the only people able to diagnose, prescribe and treat illness, but it has been clearly shown that many clients want more than just a physical remedy that treats symptoms. They are looking for deeper spiritual healing at levels that are not always addressed by allopathic medicine. Naturopaths and Chiropractors have their own methods of treatment. Again they may treat many symptoms in their work. Does this necessarily meet the needs of the average person who is withdrawn or troubled by life's minor irritations and unable to articulate their concerns? From my own experience, I realized that we seldom have the ability to rationalize those events that hurt us deeply. We are more likely to internalize these events, bury them, and allow them to fester inside causing physical illness.

Four years after trying the remedy to help me overcome my grief, I was finally able to put the two areas of my life together. Simultaneously, information became available about courses and materials related to the Bach Flower Remedies. I believe this is called synchronicity, a merging kaleidoscope of answers and pathways that often occur when people are seeking answers.

At the level one training session, I felt that I knew everything and nothing. Putting together five years of information and healing was a significant step forward but only a small step. I had attended many conferences in the past. The groups generally take a while to gel. This time it seemed to be instantaneous. There was an air of comraderie that prevailed. People had come from all over Ontario and New York to participate. There were some who knew more about the remedies than others. Many had experience in other healing modalities and shared that knowledge. Overall the participants appeared more focused on the stories of the life and times of Dr. Edward Bach. He was depicted as a generous, caring humanitarian who truly wanted to find a simple was to help people. Many cried during the video presentation. Most of the people who attended were left with a profound desire to carry on his work. I know that was certainly true of myself.

We were given an overview of the remedies and certain types of applications. As the moderator spoke I could immediately see how each of my clients and friends could benefit from at least one of the 38. I was pleased to learn about the choosing and preparation of the remedies. Strangely, the original remedy that I took, Clematis for my profound grief and spaciness was partly correct although my method of choosing was unacceptable and my mode of application was incorrect. It did work however. The conference expanded my awareness of the potential of the remedies and I resolved to complete the course.

The level two conference that I attended was held in New York. It was a different experience. I learned to identify and choose remedies correctly, differentiating between type remedies and symptom remedies and mixing them together effectively.

For this conference, I must admit that my introduction to of the wonderful writings of Dr. Edward Bach was the most significant factor in encouraging my desire to carry on. In 'Let Us Be Ourselves', he writes that "our own desires are messengers from our Souls and to have the courage to obey them." This is not always an easy task. But, as I read of his own sacrifices and the loneliness in himself while carrying out his life's work (The Little Black Dog), I felt strength coming from somewhere to help me carry out my own desires. Even more, I wanted to understand the process of my own illness. I knew then that I must, if I wish to survive longer, do something to alter the course of my own life.

In Ye Suffer From Yourselves he wrote that "disease of the body, as we know it, is a result, an end product, a final stage of something much deeper. Disease originates above the physical plane nearer to the mental. It is entirely the result of a conflict between our spiritual and mortal selves." He goes on to say that "disease is in reality for our good." How true this is! Throughout his writings he takes negative events in life and looks at them in a positive way, each being a lesson. There was no room for self pity. Interferences for example were "really useful opponents, merely there to help us gain in strength and realize our Divinity."

I suppose that it would be easy to identify with his teaching because they resonate so much with my own philosophies. As humans, we love to be on bandwagons that espouse our own causes, but he doesn't preach about being one of a crowd, he talks about being an individual and what freedom means and the importance of preserving and developing our own personality.

With his thoughts so closely aligned to mine and reading the practical and humbling love he had for his work, it seemed natural to follow the course through to the end. The time spent in level three is perhaps crucial to allowing us to feel the harmony between the man and his work. The presentation of his remedies in this setting was done with the utmost care and love. It was never seen to be work but a culmination of the feelings of a group of people who were in tune with his divine plan.

It was important that the focus remained on understanding people then applying the remedies to their particular needs. I did balk at this initially. I have absolute faith in my astrology as a tool in helping people to identify those areas in life that are most troublesome. During the course I was told to work without it. In the end, I found it didn't matter. Events and people often fell into patterns outlined in my books anyway. Without using astrology as a guide however, people made their own choices, based on their own needs.

This was a point that I did not understand at the level two session, but now realize is so much more in keeping with Dr. Bach's teachings of Heal Thyself.

I have been profoundly affected by the life, work and end product of one man's desire to follow the dictates of his heart and conscience. I feel within me a healing that was necessary in order for me to help others. I learned about the essences and their impact on the spiritual side of our being. I understand how necessary it is to harmonize our body and soul so that peace and happiness can be realized. I feel privileged to carry on the work as outlined.